Oh, and a girlfriend.
Now, before you form a lynch mob and burn me as a witch, let me say here and now that although I’ve never really considered my position regarding men with girlfriends, wives, etc (after all, the opportunity has never presented itself), I’m about 99 per cent sure I wouldn’t go there. It’s not a civilised way to behave, it’s potentially getting myself into all kinds of mess, it’s potentially causing pain to a total stranger, and also, I’m sure karma comes into play on some level. And while my entire ethos for this year is to get out there and have no-strings fun with men, I don’t think it can be considered ‘no strings’ if there’s an innocent third party involved.
(although, were something to happen with an attached man, it would be interesting to see which percentage of scorn or judgement would be directed at me as opposed to him.)
That said, The Actor ... oh my. We’ve met a few times before, the last time being at a mutual friend’s wedding last year, when, in a barely-enjoyable twist of fate, he wasn’t attached, but I was. I’d been with my then-boyfriend for well over a year, and while he was lovely, and things were basically fine, our relationship was in decline. It was partly my fault – I’d got so comfortable, I hadn’t stopped to think about whether I’d let it go on for longer than I should have done – and I had. While he and I were great friends, that’s all we’d pretty much ended up as.
But the thing that started that spark of doubt in my mind was a dance I had with The Actor at this wedding. We’d spent a lot of the night chatting, and it was friendly, and easy, and he was great company. Then the dancing started, and during one song (I can’t remember which, but how I wish I could!), I danced with just him. I’d like to say it was a deeply sensual experience, in which both of us communicated hopeless and frantic desire with our eyes and our bodies ...but I’d had a few glasses of wine, and I can’t dance for shit even when I’m sober (despite what I might think). But anyway, as this was a slow dance, one of his hands was holding mine. Which I didn’t pay much attention to until after the song finished and a faster one started. Everyone disengaged from their dance partners, as did The Actor and I. But his stunning eyes met mine, and he didn’t immediately drop his grip on my hand. That was it. That was all – and yet those five seconds made my heart beat faster and made my skin tingle with excitement more than it had in the entire time I’d been with my boyfriend. And when he and I went back to our hotel room that night and made love, I’m not proud to say that my mind was in a different room, with a different man.
So anyway, thus started the slow realisation that my boyfriend and I weren’t a fit, and eventually we broke up, and Saturday was the first time I’ve seen The Actor since then. And yeah... I was pretty shamelessly flirting with him. But then he’s a total flirt too, so it’s probably quite normal for him! I must point out his girlfriend wasn’t there. But if she had been, then obviously I would have behaved myself, and been friendly to her - I’m not a complete bitch!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hung up on him or anything – I’ve done that enough times to know what an utter waste of time it is. I just... would! And genuinely, I do wish him luck with The Girlfriend – although our mutual friend who was also there on Saturday told me:
a) "Yes, we ALL know you fancy ********" (gah)
b) That The Actor and The Girlfriend have already been together and broken up before, and he has his doubts as to the longevity of their newly-resumed relationship
Hmmm. Well, we shall see. Maybe one day, The Actor and I will both be in the same place, both be single, and my shameless flirting will pay off. I do hope so - not least because he and I happen to share the same star sign, whose subjects are notorious for being dark, passionate, seductive, sensual, incredibly sexual, borderline kinky and absolute tigers in the bedroom department.
Of course, I can only speak for myself.... ;o)
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